Drunk guy (DG): Bush is, like, the worst presidents in history (note lack of supporting evidence).
Drunk girl (me): Please tell me you did not just say that (note that my level of inebriation prevented me from realizing this conversation was a lost cause). Jackson and Clinton were both impeached. Buchanan and Pierce basically gave The South the A-Okay to concede. And if FDR wasn't in office so long everyone would realize that he was a basically socialist and had policies that didn't accomplish anything.
DG: (ignoring what I just said) You didn't vote for Barry?
Me: No. I did not vote for Barry (you'll just have to imagine the high pitched squeal that is my inflection).
--pause to drink--
Me: I bet John McCain would have lasted longer in office than William Harrison.
DG: Isn't it about time all you Republicans got over the election? You should accept that you lost already and give your support to Barry (why does this guy think called him "Barry" is okay?).
Me: I support "Barry" in the sense that he's the president and C-I-C. I just happen to be significantly less optimistic than his fans about some of his and Nancy's policies. I probably support President Obama more than Bush haters supported him (Dear Charlie, feel free to leave the conversation at anytime. Anytime.).
DG: No, Bush went too far. ....comment comment comment....War in Iraq...comment comment comment....Osama bin Laden....comment comment comment ....economy..... (clearly I'm not listening. Probably coming up with the gem that's coming next)...comment comment comment...
Me (interrupting): You know, the way you feel about George Bush is probably pretty close to how I feel about Nancy Pelosi.
DG: Who's Nancy Pelosi?
(I down the rest of my drink at what is obviously my exit cue.)
Me: I have to go to the bathroom or something.
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5 comments:
You need to keep gving us these visions of life in IC.
Drunks and politics do not go together. But then drunks and anything rarely go together...
i thought you were going to say poliics and anything rarely go together...
Too funny! I love the script style of the story.
Drunk Man Dangerously Close To Figuring Out You're Fucking With HimMarch 25, 2009 | Issue 45•13
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CHICAGO—The heavily intoxicated man seated next to you is dangerously close to realizing you've been fucking with him this entire time, nearby sources reported. Although he appears to still believe you love his Judas Priest T-shirt, the whiskey-soaked bar patron has stopped swaying back and forth and could, at this very moment, be one drunken thought away from figuring out that Al Pacino is not actually your uncle. "Hey man, have another beer," you said, attempting to distract the shit-faced stranger from suddenly putting all the pieces together and beating you senseless. "I think that bartender likes you. Go talk to her. " While the man will likely forget all of your sarcastic questions about ATV racing by morning, duping this poor schlub is reportedly the most meaningful conversation you've had all week.
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